Ronan Keating

Hmm... "You'll never believe what just happened to me." Make up some totally fabricated story I think. Cos firstly they're not gonna believe that you threw water over yourself, and secondly they're not gonna believe that you didn't pee your pants. I'd make something up for the craic, just to have a laugh with them. I think it's always a good ice breaker to make someone laugh. If you can make someone laugh then you're in. Cracking a joke will always make an embarrassing situation a lot easier.

And she doesn't know I was in Boyzone? I'd totally go along with it so she dug herself the biggest hole in the world. That way you've got some leeway later on down the road. Eventually I'd let her in on it, maybe when I'm getting out of the car, but nah… I'd let her stew.

I think I'd just let them get on with it. Again it's a quite humorous situation. People find dogs checking each other out quite funny, and being the child that I am, I'd get a kick out of that. I'd find that very funny.

[grinning madly] It'd be the best time for the mum to realise that I was in Boyzone wouldn't it? So I'd be glad to have kept her going until that point. And er, I'd get up and sing a song for them. That's the only way out of it. Probably not, but in a fantasy world, I think that'd be the best thing to do. Otherwise get very drunk and keep your head down.

Now that can be quite embarrassing. You try and hide it in some way. Hopefuilly it's a leather sofa and so you keep moving on the sofa in a hope to cover the sound of the fart. Or maybe rustling some papers or something [laughs] cos at the end of day it's not obvious who farted. Oh yeas, the leather sofa… I've been there!

[pauses for thought]. I'd love to say that I'd sit down next to him and crack open a beer, but in reality I'd probably keep moving and say hello and tell him I'm getting a drink of water. Maybe I'd give him the mag I picked up earlier and then get the hell out of there.